Why I left my $150 job with no backup

Comfort, stability, and routine have the effect of keeping us from looking at the bigger picture. We don’t ask the questions like: “Am I happy with what I’m doing on the day to day?”, “Am I surrounding myself with the people that are allowing me to grow both personally and in my career?, and questions even as simple as “What’s next?”.

Yes, if I didn’t stay true to myself, I still would be getting my pay checks. If I didn’t stand up for my morals, ethics and colleagues, I would still be employed. But talking about it now, I don’t regret walking away. I don’t regret telling the founder that I didn’t agree with the way he operated or treated the people on the team. I’ve brushed away the red flags in the past due to my passion for the products we were building, and due to my family and friends being personally invested. To those of you who had invested, I will say that I tried my best to right the ship, but I was naive in thinking that I actually had the power to make the key decisions that needed to be made. Me trying to shoulder the pressure of fixing everything in multiple companies had really taken a toll on me, and it was that cumulation of stress that may have helped my body shut down last year. Now, for the first time in a long time, I need to focus on myself in order to grow to the point where I can achieve the things that my friends, family, and all of you know that I can. And as I look for new opportunities, I am trying to narrow down my search to environments with people that will allow me the headroom to grow.

I’m 24, already have incredible experiences and skills under my belt, and have my entire life ahead of me to right the course.

But that doesn’t mean it’s been easy.

I don’t remember a time in my life where I’ve had more crippling stress than what I’ve felt over the last couple of months…

When I left my job last month, I actually didn’t know what I wanted to do, what industries I wanted to pursue next, or what types of companies I would want to work with. There are typical career paths if I wanted to strictly be a software engineer or a project manager or a technical consultant. But which path is for me? My unique blend of skills and experiences require unique roles at the different companies I am looking at. All I knew was that I needed to stay true to myself, take that leap of faith, and walk away — no matter the fact that I didn’t know what would be next in my life. And although I would do it again in a heartbeat, this whole experience has been very stressful. I have had consistent phone calls with recruiters, both technical and non-technical interviews, and prospects that have pulled out at the offer stage. Having companies that you think are promising never reach out, or having companies that you felt like you did well in their interviews say you’re not the right fit, have been confidence deflating. I’ve also had situations of false hope from a couple of companies. One major tech player told me that they would only proceed if I was in person, when after 3 non-technical interviews, 2 technical interviews and signing NDAs, this was the first time I was getting word that me being remote for this software engineering role was an issue. With another startup that recently closed their Series A, I had a mixture of 6 non-technical and technical interviews, had done a take home technical assignment, and even they even called people to conduct reference checks on me for this Solutions Engineer role. And although I was the best candidate that they’ve talked to for that open position, when it was time to give me an offer, the CEO reached out directly and told me that they were sorry to say that the position was simply not needed at the current stage of their company. Both of those scenarios were gut-wrenching because they both felt like sure-fire opportunities for me to show my skills. All I want right now is to find the right opportunity for me, no matter what it is — and sometimes finding that perfect match takes time.

But let’s take a step back to see the bigger picture…

I’m one that believes that things in life happen for a reason. That moments of “failures” or moments of “stress” are simply inflection points in life that you can learn and grow from. Life gets tough, but I do truly believe that pressure makes diamonds. I’ve learned so much over the years, but the most important thing I’ve learned is that I overcome any challenges that come my way. Just because this specific moment in time is stressful and just because things might not be going my way, that doesn’t take away from what has gotten me to this point. I’ve still experienced the things I did, I still accomplished the things I did, and I still have a tremendous amount of value to bring to the world — no matter the avenue.

Although there’s nothing at all wrong with working for a large tech company, I’ve focused my initial search for smaller companies with missions and products that I resonate with — in roles where I feel like I’d be able to give most of my value to a team. At the end of the day, big tech companies can provide unmatched stability, comfort, benefits, and even retirement plans. But right now, I think I want the ambiguity. I want to have the pressure of knowing that my work can directly make or break critical deadlines or product launches. I want my code and my influence to be just a layer or two away from making that impact. But getting to this level requires either advancing up a company’s hierarchy or finding a new role that allows you to have that impact.

This situation has been crazy to me. But I do think that I’m stretching the truth if I say that I had absolutely no backup plan that I’d be able to fall back on. I have this incredible platform that I can make videos on. Regardless of what happens, I hope to share some of my product and software knowledge to help all of you be creative builders as well. Pretty soon, I’ll release some of my app creation videos with all of you. I’m extremely excited to share those with you. On the other hand, I also have the ability to support myself by bringing on sponsors that personally resonate with me. Simultaneously, I have recently started day trading, and honestly have been finding some pretty good success. Over the last couple of years, I’ve grown increasingly interested in the mechanics of the stock market. So it’s actually been really cool putting my knowledge to the test by day trading actual money. Even if no opportunity works out, and I turn to trading and YouTube full time, I will feel good knowing that I will be able to share positivity and other value to you all.

This situation has gotten me very stressed, but not scared. I’m stressed because of all of the calls and interviews I have to do while I continue to push forward the other things in life that are important to me at the moment like YouTube and trading. But I’m not scared because of who I am as a person. I’m a builder, a creator, an innovator, and someone who’s intrinsically motivated to push ideas forward both as a technical leader and an engineer myself. I know no challenges is too big for me, but I won’t find a perfect match career-wise until someone else truly believes that statement as well. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t go through a bunch of should’ve could’ve would’ve scenarios. These ideas have been circulating throughout my head over the last month. Ideas like: If I had just acted like everything was okay at my last company, I’d continue to be paid right now; if I had just focused on available software engineering roles at major companies, I probably would have gotten an offer by now; If I had majored in computer science instead of aerospace, maybe I wouldn’t feel as if I had to prove my worth and skills on every interview I’m on. It’s tough. It’s tough when I consistently preach to believe in yourself and that things always work out in the end, but I see no clear light at the end of the tunnel. This internal struggle of mine could be solved in the next week if someone were to offer me a job or if my trading goes very well. But at the same time, this could also become a prolonged issue that I have to deal with over the next couple of months as I simply try to find the right opportunity for me.

If you’ve been watching my channel, you know how much I love and appreciate Michelle. She’s always been extremely supportive of me, and during these times where I feel like I’m at absolute rock bottom, she has only supported me more. As my paychecks disappeared, she has been the one making sure our bills are paid. Although she has her own work to deal with, she continues to make sure I’m doing as well as I possibly could be. Our daily gym trips give myself a period of time where I don’t have to think about all of the stress in my head and all of the things that I have done incorrectly. So although I still can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, she has continued to be the source of light in my life throughout this entire self-discovery process. She doesn’t know I’m including this little snippet in this blog, but if you’re listening to this Michelle, I thank you with all of my heart and I’m going to use the rest of my life to repay you the priceless joy and comfort you’ve brought into my life.

So what's next? What am I gonna be up to over the coming days, weeks, months. First of all, as I said earlier, I’m going to start uploading product-building videos on this channel where you can see my thought process from ideation to completing and ultimately deploying the apps so you all can try them for yourself. I will be more active on YouTube than I would be if I did have a full time job, so just stay tuned for those. Along a similar vein, I have hundreds of people reaching out to me on a day to day basis asking for my advice on X,Y, and Z or my input on their idea B. And because I have finite time, and since I do want to help people who are serious in their endeavors, I’m opening up a 1 on 1 coaching service where you all can purchase sessions with me to talk about anything from college applications and navigating school choices to running your startup idea by me. This is something that I have always wanted to do but just never had the time or bandwidth. Until I do secure another job opportunity, I also am going to continue to day trade. Let me know in the comments whether or not you’ll be interested in financial videos as well. And of course, in the meantime, I’m still hoping to find that opportunity where I feel like I can thrive and contribute real engineering value to a team so if any of you know of any opportunities for me in the tech space, let me know.

If you’re going through a similar situation as me, just know that you’re not in this alone. Make sure to keep doing the things you love on a day to day basis, talk to your loved ones about your problems, and things will work themselves out in the end.